Pulse the cranberries in a food processor or blender until coarsely chopped (alternately, you can do this task by hand, but it is a real pain in the butt. Seriously, you don’t want to do this by hand).
Add the green onions, cilantro, jalapeno, sugar, cumin, lemon juice and salt and pulse until the ingredients are well combined and finely chopped.
Transfer the mixture to a covered bowl or tupperware and refrigerate for 4 hours (or up to overnight) so the flavors have time to develop and the cranberries lose a bit of their tartness.
When ready to serve, spread the cream cheese in an even layer on a serving plate or 9-inch pie dish.
Top with the cranberry-jalapeno mixture, spreading evenly over the top of the cream cheese.